No Revenge Required, yet
by B.W.T
Summary: Creat is under strict orders not to leave his Queen unless she orders him to, but what's a goblin to do when an annoying boy comes along and moves her? Twilight hating inside, you've been warned.
1. Don't move, Creat

**I don't like anyone in this story except the Goblin King, Creat, and Sarah. All comments towards the gracefulness of other characters should be read in a sarcastic voice. That's how it sounds in my head.**

**That said, do read on and enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Labyrinth, although I do own Creat. If I had any claim to Twitlight, it would be at the bottom of a rather muddy well.**

**- - -**

The rain fell heavily on the forest, drowning it. Under the eaves of a large tree, a beautiful woman lay; blood trickling from the edge of her hairline down her neck.

Her brown hair, usually curly and bouncy, was black against her alabaster skin. A short, and tiny, brownish green creature sat by her hand, patting it worriedly. Where was the King? Normally he was there in an instant! Oh, hopefully something hadn't happened to him too! Worry clutched at the tiny creatures stomach, and large, glistening tears made their way down his grubby cheeks. Choked with sobs, for he was a very emotional, if intellectually lacking, creature, he pulled the dampened crème colored fabric of the woman's skirt over his shivering body and settled down. He was under strict orders _never_ to leave the Queen's side, unless she ordered him away, which she hadn't. Cold and sad, the creature eventually fell into a restless sleep.

Not an hour later, what looked like a human entered the clearing silently, his clothing plastered to his body. His expression was annoyed, as if the storm itself had insulted him by… well, raining on him.

This expression disappeared, though, when he noticed the woman. By now, the blood at her hairline was dry, but he noticed it all the same. His control, though, didn't waver, for although he was many things he wasn't swayed by such a small amount of blood, not when he saw other things he might gain from this situation.

Moving forward gracefully, he knelt beside the woman, not noticing the tiny creature that made itself invisible the instant he came near. With exaggerated gentleness, the boy, or rather, teenager, took the woman's hand, and schooled his features into worried concern. "Hello? Are you alright?" He made a show, although he knew she likely wasn't conscious, of checking her pulse.

When she made no sign of waking, he sighed and swept her dramatically up into his arms, stalking through the trees over-gracefully, just in case she came too.

The creature, who shall now forth be called Creat, balanced in the Queen's lap, wondering what to do. He didn't like this strange boy carrying the Queen in such an intimate way! That was the King's job! Worried, Creat crept up and patted the Queen's cheek, hoping to wake her up. She made no sign of waking, and Creat was forced to hold still until the boy reached a large mansion like home, where he called out for help.

As soon as he called, a short, bouncy black-haired girl came out the door, twirling just as over-gracefully on her toes as she neared him. "Edward! I saw it!" She said, giggling, "Come on, we must get her inside!" She led him up to the door, throwing it open before moving aside so he could glide in.

Glide in he did, with lots of flourish, his latest catch still in his arms. He danced up the stairs into the guest room and, with the same exaggerated gentleness as before deposited her on the bed. Then he called for his father figure, who entered a moment later.

The two stood and talked for all of thirty seconds, before it was decided that they should get one of the girls to remove her dress, after all it was soaking wet. Creat hissed, but of course they couldn't hear him. Oh, where was the King!

The father figure called for the mother figure, who came dancing in with the same over-exaggerated grace. He told her of the woman's predicament, and after she asked a soft question about another girl, which he waved away, she agreed to help.

She took no more then two steps towards the woman before Creat threw a handful of grubby, force field making glitter at her. Unable to see where it came from, she blinked gracefully, and then fell back two steps dramatically. "What was that?" She cried in surprise, her gaze turning to the father figure, who was looking at the boy, who shrugged and indicated that they should call for the rest of the family.

Creat was proud of himself, he'd managed to protect the Queen from these… these… whatever they were! Happy for the moment, he snuggled against the Queen, stroking her cheek with one grubby finger, and hoping that the King would come soon.

The rest of the makeshift family filed into the room, standing around the bed and studying the passed out woman closely. She was, indeed, beautiful, although her eyebrows were odd – they looked as if they'd been done using makeup, although the rain should have washed it off, or at least messed it up.

"I can't feel anything from her." A tall blonde man announced, his brows knitted together with annoyance, he wasn't used to being blocked. Beside him stood the over-bouncy black-haired girl from before.

The girl was about to open her mouth when the power went out and lightening flashed outside. From his hiding spot of the Queen's hair, Creat perked up, this was the King's calling card!

Indeed, not a moment later, the large windows blew open, and there stood the Goblin King, in all his tights-wearing glory. He was also, at the moment, furious. Without so much as a glance at the other figures in the room, he strode over to the bed, kneeling on it so he could stroke his Queen's face. "Sarah, precious, wake up." He murmured, and his trailing gloved fingers began to leave glitter behind.

One or more of the people in the room began to speak, but the Goblin King ignored them, focused only on waking up his Queen. His work paid off a moment later when her beautiful mismatched green eyes fluttered open to look up at him. A happy, albeit tired, smile graced her features. "Jareth…" She said, "I feel exhausted… I think the storm soaked me through." She laughed weakly at this, and the King shook his head with mild amusement, although his eyes were still concerned. Quickly, he slid his arms around her, noting Creat, who after the King nodded to his shoulder, scrambled up and perched on said shoulder.

The Goblin King finally turned from the bed; his Queen nestled safely in his arms, her tired eyes barely open as she surveyed the silent room. She focused on the boy, rather suddenly, and she waved a pale hand at him, "Jareth, I can feel a clear impression of his hand on my ass. Please, do something." With that dealt with, she sleepily snuggled closer to her husband, and fell into dreams of ballrooms, with lots of goblins running around holding bowls full of peaches.

Jareth's concerned eyes turned stormy, his gaze locked on the golden-eyes of the man-child who stood across from him. "Her ass?" He asked, in a low, dangerous voice. The boy didn't seem fazed, so assured was he of his own strength. He merely shrugged, "I had to carry her here." He stated.

For a moment, Jareth was torn between throttling the boy, and taking his dear Sarah home. The choice was made for him, though, when he heard a loud, annoying voice call "Edward!", from downstairs and then the tell-tail steps of someone coming upstairs.

Into the room came a young, tiny girl, with brown hair, and equally brown eyes. Jareth raised a brow at her, and she gasped at him, for he was _beautiful_! Almost more beautiful then her Edward! She quickly squished this thought, hurrying forward and wrapping her arms around Edward, who wrapped his arms around her and took on the protective stance that he knew would earn him kisses, and more obedience, later. His family ignored this.

Jareth, who can see all dreams, smirked as he looked at the two of them. "Well, I'll just get you another time then." He laughed knowingly, spun on his heel, and disappeared.

Back at the castle, he gently lay his Sarah down on their bed, before using equal care to change her into something warmer, and slipping her under the covers. He ordered some soup to be made for her, before he snuggled down beside her, glad to give her his body heat.

Some time later, Sarah woke up again, and turned sleepy eyes up to her husband. "Did you slap him silly?" She asked, an amused smile on her lips. "No, my dear, I do believe that won't be necessary. His own retribution is coming for him." He ran his fingers through her damp hair, "Although, if you like I could do something all the same."

Sarah shook her head, sliding her arms around her beloved Goblin King. "No," She said with a yawn, "just stay. The goblin's will cause him trouble enough." Jareth nodded, a smirk playing over his features as he remembered the trouble his own goblins had caused _him_ on his Sarah's orders. She was tricky, sly, fiery one, his Sarah, and she loved puzzles just as much as he did.

Contently holding her close, he knew he wouldn't have it any other way.

Just before he drifted off, he heard the distant Aboveground sound of glass breaking, curses, and girlish screams. With a smugger smile, Jareth slipped off into his own dreams, most of them involving scantily clad Goblin Queens…

Perhaps when they woke, if she was feeling better, he could convince her they needed an heir. Or that their skin, at least, needed some time away from their clothes.

Well, he was married to the woman, you know.

**- - -**

**So, what do you think? I never actually got a chance to explain, but Sarah was flying in the storm before she crashed and landed under that tree. Since she wasn't conscious, she returned to her usual form.**

**With a flourishing bow of bowyness (I'm referencing someone here, see if you can guess), I take my leave of you, for now.**

**B.W.T.**


	2. Now, we have Revenge

**Wow this took a long time to get up. I really must apologize, my computer decided that anything Safari related was O-U-T, so I was unable to get onto the internet till I remembered that Firefox was hiding out here. Anyway, some of you complained that I didn't give Edward-o his just desserts...**

**I hope this chapter remedies those complaints.**

**- - -  
**

**One Year Later**

**Seattle, Washington.**

"**Berry's Café"**

Sarah sat with a mug of coffee in one hand and a newspaper in the other. Across from her sat Jareth, who also held a paper, and a mug of Chai tea.

"When?" Sarah asked softly, her green eyes never flickering from the paper. "Soon." Jareth replied, with equal non-chalontness.

What they were waiting for happened to be Edward-o and his ladylove, Isabelly, who had come to Seattle that day for some quality time. This had made Sarah snort when Jareth told her, but she'd jumped quickly at the idea of exacting their revenge.

Tucked into Jareth's inside coat pocket was a list of possible punishments, along with an abridged version of a list of people they had yet to exact revenge upon. The long list sat in the castle library, waiting to be taken out on a rainy day when the King and Queen were bored… or feeling the need to pull someone's toenails slowly from their feet.

Behind Jareth, the door to the café jingled merrily as someone pushed it open, sending in a blast of cool air. Sarah looked up from her paper long enough to let a grin spread wickedly across her face before she glanced at Jareth, and then back at the unread mortal newspaper.

Isabelly (fine, fine, I'll call her Bella) was wrapped up tightly in at least one strong winter coat, two scarves, and possible two pairs of pants. She also wore a bracelet that looked suspiciously like a leash, which led back to Edward-o's hand. Obviously, he had stepped up from letting her run around wearing t-shirts and jeans.

Behind those two came Alice and her husband, the blonde guy, who shares a name with the Author's honorary sister's dog. The dog wears the name better.

Jareth slid a hand into his pocket and pulled out the list of punishments, offering it to Sarah, who plucked it from his hand and unfolded it, trailing a hand down the choices…

**Thee Royal list of Punishments for those who do bad things.**

By Squiret, Castle librarian, with the assistance of Queen Sarah in some spellings.

**Removal of arms and/or legs.**

**Removal of eyes and/or hands. **For such people who see fit to look and/or touch the King and/or Queen in a manner not deemed appropriate.

**Removal of buttocks (and on those of a male gender, removal of other items the King does not think they need). **For those who grab the Queen's buttocks. Those who do such a thing to the King may not survive to see a punishment.

**Dip in the Bog of Eternal Stench. **For any range of actions. On an unrelated note, the bog is particularly nice on Sundays.

**Oubliette. **For those whom the Queen shows mercy but the King dislikes anyway.

**Job as Gardner.**Removed by Queen Sarah for reasons of her own.

**Death by goblin singing.** Singing that is not directed by the King.

**A Bite of Peach.**Removed by Queen Sarah. It shall now be known that enchanted peaches are reserved for the Queen and/or King. Enchanted strawberries are fine.

**Death by sleeping on the couch for four weeks because he accidentally caught her dress on fire during a game of tag. **We are assured that this is a horrible, horrible way to go. The King was only saved by his dashing good looks and-… the King was only saved by the fact that the Queen loves his sorry ass.

**There is no tenth punishment, however in certain cases the Queen and/or King may make one up.**

Sarah couldn't help but giggle at one or two of the punishments, especially the ninth one, which when mentioned still made Jareth shiver in horror.

While Sarah had been reading, Bella had tried to order a coffee, been stopped by Edward-o, and had finally settled on a simple green tea. Edward-o ordered a second green tea before leading his sweet Isabelly – sorry, Bella – to her seat. There, he took away the silverware, for fear she might hurt herself.

Alice and Jasper slid in across from the _happy_ couple.

"So, precious?" The King asked, resting his chin on his hand and reaching a hand out to trail down her neckline. "What shall we do?"

Sarah shivered in a manner completely of opposite horror. Damn this man and his ability to make her go gooey inside even after years of marriage!

Composing herself, Sarah tapped the list once. "I like number two and three…" She paused, her mismatched green eyes glittering, "What do you think, love?" She murmured, leaning half an inch closer to him. Jareth grinned, "Number ten."

Silence prevailed around the small table for a moment. "Number ten? What would that be?" Sarah asked finally, tapping her lip with her hand and studying her husband closely.

Jareth made a show of straightening his coat sleeves and fluffing his hair before replying. "Removal of skin from bone in the shape of a dress, my precious." Sarah laughed at the idea and shook her head, turning her attention to Edward-o, who was either ignoring them, or hadn't noticed them. Considering Fay's ability to disappear from mortal – and vampire – eyes, the latter might be your best bet.

"I don't think his skin comes off the bone. He looks… fake." She frowned. "And sparkly."

Jareth eyed Edward-o closer, and then gasped. "By gods you're _right_! He does sparkle!" "He doesn't pull it off very well either, not like you, Jare." Sarah commented idly, bring forth an affronted expression from Jareth. "I don't sparkle. I glitter. There's a large difference between the two, Sarah-mine." He cleared his throat after this, making his lovely wife laugh _again_. He pouted now. Just because he loved her laugh didn't mean he liked it when she laughed at him…

Seeming to sense his discontent Sarah stood and moved around the table, plopping into his lap. "Alright, back to business, love." She murmured in his ear, "Removing his butt might prove interesting." Jareth snorted, his pout forgotten now. "If that's what you want, precious, then I'm only too willing to give it to you." He trailed a hand across her belly, making her suck in a breath. "Now now, Jare." She hissed, although Jareth was sure he heard a whispered "later" tacked on at the end of her sentence.

"As you wish." He grinned, standing up quickly and setting her on her feet, where she stood for a second to regain her balance before strolling off across the café, towards Edward-o and Isabelly's table.

It was only after she stood in front of the table for ten seconds without them noticing her did Sarah realize she forgot to "come back", or whatever you'd like to call it. Anyway, with that dealt with, she was rewarded with several gasps of surprise.

Leaning down so she was closer to Edward-o Sarah became aware of Jareth standing directly behind her and _smirking_. She always knew when he used that devilish smile, and it annoyed the crap outta her that he was using it on someone else.

Well, two could play at the share-the-smile game. She turned on her very sweetest smile for Edward-o and said, in gentle, mesmerizing tones, "Would you come with me, Edward-, Edward?" Oh, the author had wanted so badly to make her call him by her chosen name, but Sarah was stronger! Queen Sarah, the author means.

"I… uh…" Edward-o blinked rapidly for a second or so before sliding from his seat and standing beside her. "Thank you." She said, grinning, and wrapped her arm around his, hearing Jareth growl before she felt him [Jareth] slide his entire arm around her possessively.

_Men_. She thought with a roll of her eyes, before she stepped straight out of our world and into the next.

**Exactly five months later.**

The King kept a room of trophies. They came in all shapes and sizes, from large golden goblets awarded for valor, to small, stick like things the goblins gave him if they had a particularly good year.

His favorite, though, was the sparkly one he kept in a large glass case near the window, where it caught the light nicely. His wife told him he was disgusting for keeping it around, but he'd seen her laugh behind her hand when she thought he wasn't looking.

With a glass of sherry in one hand, he settled down in the window to overlook his labyrinth.

Before he even got a chance to take a sip and enjoy his latest victory over a pesky mortal boy who had wished away his almost-girlfriend, he heard Sarah scream a few rooms away. Instantly, he was beside her, and was surprised to find her glaring at him with deadly green eyes. "Precious?" He asked carefully, wondering if the couch was in his future again.

"YOU! YOU…" Sarah seemed at a loss of words for how to describe her anger, which was never a good sign. Anxiously, Jareth took a hold of her hands in his gloved ones and tried to calm her down, but she wouldn't have it…

A few minutes later, he learned why she was so very, very pissed off at him when she uttered four little words…

"_YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!" _

Ah, happiness is bliss.

**- - -**

**So, did you enjoy it, mes lecteurs mauvais*?**

***This should mean "my evil readers", but since I don't speak French I don't really know. The translator on my computer might very well be lying to me.  
**


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